Festivites Family and Faggotry... Ugh!

In the aftermath of another Thanksgiving holiday, a brotha feels the need to release... When you mix the combination of family and festivities, there's always bound to be some mess... in this case, the mess wasn't present during the celebrating but rather an internal combustion within me. Let me explain...

For those of us that are "in the life" you may be able to relate, and anyone else reading this blog, I hope you can at least empathize. As each holiday season rolls around, my family always has one centralized location where we all come together and do our thing... all the "stuff" that has transpired between us during the previous months seems to evaporate and we all wear this great mask of jovial elation... we smile, grin and pretend... oh well it works, and if ain't broke, don't fix it, right???

However, as each year passes and the tradition continues, situations are changing. I'm getting older, more settled, a little more stubborn and a bit more restless with the fact that I'm not out to my family... (why does it matter? you may ask.. the answer is I don't know, but it does and that may be a separate counseling session... oh the hell well..)

As I make my entrance into my fathers house, I'm gradually greeted with the same "hello's" " how ya been's" etc. etc. but one thing that I am noticing this year, among the sea of regulars, are the increased amount of new faces bobbing throughout the room... Its not that I have a problem with all the injections of new people, it truly doesn't bother me one way or the other because my placement in the family is firmly stapled.

buuuuuuuuuuut YES, I wanna bring a new face to the family, I wanna introduce my man, or whom ever I may be dating or just sleeping with, whatever the situation is... I wanna introduce a new face to the crowd too, without the side eye looks and separate room conversations filled with "who is that man with ...." Although, I know the deal and in this room full of past and current sinners, I would easily become the plague of society if I walked into the room with a man on my arm. These same folks; the alcoholics, druggies, liars, un-wed mothers and men that have frequently committed adultery, would be the same ones to grab their sanctified robes and cast me to the pits of hell for practicing homosexuality... Ironic huh! seems like No sin is greater than the sin of sexuality...

I've found it almost repulsive that for me, the holidays always give birth to this idea of coming out the closet... ( a term which I also hate becuz it insinuates that I've been locked away somewhere) Holidays and drama seem to go hand and hand and I'm now wondering which one is going to be my destined selection to say " see me, love me..." and announce to my kindred sinners ( and I know I might get in trouble for saying homosexuality is a sin, but if you read the word of God, you know it is...) "I too, am just like you.." A sin is a sin... homosexuality, alcoholism, pre-marital sex, lying, cheating, stealing... all of it is sin... and yours makes u no better than me...

I'm sharing this in hopes that someone else, has experienced this situation and maybe can shed some insight? If not, its cool, I know its my cross to bear and I carry it with honor in the hopes that one day my journey towards achieving something so simple, will stop being so hard...

Even Burned Bridges can be Rebuilt

There are often time moments in life, where the appearance of "growing up" becomes evident. There are identifiable times in a mans' life where he can truly diagnosis himself as becoming a better person. One of those moments happened to me today, and I'd like to give you an example of what happens when men learn to forgive and forget...

Today, I received a note simply saying "Hello..." what made me do a double take when I received it was the person that delivered the message... an estranged friend that according to him, had put our friendship to an end. We had been friends for many years when I lived in MD, we had been through a whole lot of "stuff" and had our share of moments, both good and bad. The last conversation we had was a discussion of why we really lost touch, the breakdown in our communication, why we were arguing and who's fault it truly was... he said some things, I said some things and we ended the "conver-argument-sation" with something to the effect of "I don’t need to hear from you anymore, I've grown up since then and its obvious you will never see my point... your not worth it.. etc etc." and my reply "that’s cool".. As strong as I was trying to be, it hurt bad on the inside, being party to the loss of what I considered a close person... but me and my tough-shelled attitude.. let it go because I didn’t want to deal with it at the time... "oh well, another one bites the dust... "

However, tonight this simple "Hello" was a door opening opportunity to repair what was broken... and I was hoping this was his intent as well as mine... So I responded..." How are you..." and he "Im doing well, I thought about you the other day..." " really, WOW..." and as the re-acquaintance began... another blessing began to shower on me... right before my eyes, a burned bridge was being rebuilt... and I knew God, in all his awesomeness, was still in charge... I've come to believe that in the midst of the ugliest of battles, sparks of beauty still reside.. it just take the nourishment of forgiveness, respect and maturity to make it flourish into something great... and I stand as a living witness, BURNED BRIDGES can be REBUILT....