Sunday, December 9, 2007
When I Came for Santa, this is what I said!
Dear Santa,
It's been a long year, I've seen a lot, I've done a lot (good and bad) and been through a lot. I know this is the time of year where kids send you a long ass list of stuff their parents cant afford... but I thought maybe you could hook a brotha up and grant a few Christmas wishes based on my experiences throughout this year...If you could review my list and apply the necessary magic to make some things happen I would greatly appreciate it... Much Thanks!
The Things I Want to see for Christmas:
1. I would like for married men to stop lurking online and pretending they are single when they know good and hell well they aren’t, becuz they have no desire to leave the comforts of married life but instead just want to run up in some weak-minded internet addict, who actually thinks its ok to sleep with another woman's man... and Santa bridle their tongue's so they don’t use that same excuse of "if she was doing what she was supposed to do at home, he wouldn’t creep around...." because Santa, baby you know that is nothing but LIES, he would still mess around regardless of what she does...point blank!!!
2. I would like for men to realize its not cute to wear skinny jeans, tight T-shirts and those gay ass white belts... that’s just way too cunt... If you wear an XL shirt.. Don’t squeeze into a medium thinking tight is cute... ITS NOT.. I don’t wanna see your nipples poking me in the eyes or your jeans splitting your nutts in half as you walk around Target shopping for toothpaste... oh! and lip gloss is for girls... nuff said!
3. Santa, and this is a big one... what I would like for Christmas is to see women ( yes Im coming for you too) with extra long cleavage to realize that its not always a good thing for full exposure of all that cleavage. Just becuz you have it, does not mean the who world wants to see it. Breasts are common, all women have them ( and some men too) so unleash your puppies for you significant other... not the world.. remember one day, you may have kids that will run across your "ho-antics" later in life...
4. I would like for brothas with overly endowed penis parts to understand that you cannot just shove those things inside someone... Santa, you know for yourself, those things can take your breathe!!! Especially if too much pressure is applied in the first insertion. (I'm just saying...) Large penis parts should be inserted smoothly and slowly at first until all parties are comfortable with the application of such hoses... and for the boys who receive, I need them to understand that if you are tight, sometimes clinching down on the dick does hurt... exhale techniques should be applied when you are getting a penis pushed in your guts... If you cannot accommodate the size and girth of the appendage, then you should not be playing with us big boys... stay in the kiddie pool please...
5. Santa, This is for the rim jocks... I would like them to know, if you plan to have your cakes snacked on... PLEASE for the love of goodness, make sure they are spotless... clear of debris, scents and all other dingleberries that may be lingering... No one wants to take a dive in a cesspool... Oh! and make sure you don’t have any forms of gas...nuff said...
6. Finally, Santa... the last thing I want for Christmas is for the label whores... If your rent isn’t paid, your car note is not covered and or your lights are about to be disconnected... you should not be buying designer Anything... what you need to be designing is a plan to cover your financial bases...
Thank You Santa... Have a merry Christmas...!
P.s.- Oh! and last year, your reindeer pooped on my roof. So, in case it happens again, Im going need you to bring a pooper scooper with you this time...
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